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This Eager Heart of Mine

An experimental poem, in 6 parts.

I can’t articulate the pain I’m in,

The body holds it all within.

Battered fragments of my old self

Left beneath my cracking skin.

…

Your scent within my right hand,

Shattered phone screen in my left,

Things just haven’t been the same since

The day that

You left.

I walk around bereft,

Grey people, skies and buildings

Only leave me more depressed.

A light metaphor’s too easy,

You were like water to me,

Or like a tree to its leaves —

An absolute necessity,

No expressive brevity.

Arresting and refreshing

…

But now I shift back into depression.

I thought that I was over,

That I had made it through,

The only parts that took me there

Were the ones you took with you.

…

I couldn’t adhere to what you held dear,

Was never near,

Stuck in my fear.

‘Lying fully clothed,

Whilst you lay bare.’

…

The sky was blue, and once was clear,

Now it’s a bleeding canvas,

And the bloody rain is here.

Avoid the middle class narcissists,

The jokes made out of innocence

My cognitive dissonance

Is driving me insane.

It all feels pointless, another coin to the games.

‘Who the Hell am I to say

I have a vital part to play?’

I can’t keep keeping up with

This damned masquerade.

…

I pass the blame, not seeing this,

Blindness is bliss,

And I can’t miss

Something I’ve never sensed

In spite of its relevance.

No longer Heaven sent,

My youth misspent, lent to earning rent.

Some sins you can’t repent.

Some sins you can’t repent.

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